id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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