im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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