I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
