what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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