I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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