you guys were way drunker than both of me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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