As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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