I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize