I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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