You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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