Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
