If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
