I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
