Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
