He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
