i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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