i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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