I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
