Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
