dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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