Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
