I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
