: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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