IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
