i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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