I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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