This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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