I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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