i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
