So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
