Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
