it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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