im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
