You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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