What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
