shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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