mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
