he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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