I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
