remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
