Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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