PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
