i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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