I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
