i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
