I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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