he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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