Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dicks are not precious.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
