I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
