i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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