Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
