She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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