Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
