i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
