i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize