Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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