Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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