My room smells like vodka and shame
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
