And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
