Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
