if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize