holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
