Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
