I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
