so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
