So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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