He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
