i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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