i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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