Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
