So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
