I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
These tits shall not be calmed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
