So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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