Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
