someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
