We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
