my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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