I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
