Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
