I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
