I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Farmville is her only friend.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize